I will never claim to know much of anything ever again.

Why do I keep falling in to these little fits of depression?

I don’t understand it.  I mean, I feel like I’m happy as hell.  I SHOULD BE. Sure some things suck.  Like not making much money at all over the Holidays.  Or not having any furniture.  I can’t even begin to explain how much just having a couch and an xbox would improve my morale.  When I first got here though, I was ecstatic just to have made it to Salt Lake at all.  It just goes to show how we will always want more and more.  That’s okay though, right?  When I was in MD, I didn’t want anything. lol. 

Anyway, I guess I’ve been a little out of it for the past week or two.  I havent been able to work as much as I’d like to have.  I haven’t been able to write.  I haven’t worked out once.  Bleghghg.  I’m getting some sneakers and a jogging stroller asap. No…a bike and another pull-thing for Cash man.  

This is another one of those random journal posts.  I don’t know what I’m saying. 

Nicole will be here in a few days.  To be honest, that may be another reason why I’ve been so unproductive.  I have a hard time waiting for things that I’m looking forward to.  She’ll probably see this so “HEY NICOLE!” Haha. 

I’m super super excited about living with this lady.  I’m also super nervous because I’m obsessed with privacy, but she just might be the one person who I’d be willing to let in. I haven’t had a real lady friend in…..jesus christ…..never?   Okay…I take that back….I had one in 10th grade.  We spent a lot of time together, and shared secrets and stuff.  That’s about it.  Most of my closest friends have been guys and I like it that way.  

This is going to sound stupid, but sometimes I watch movies about girl friends and get a little jealous.  Why have I never had that?  I’ve been going back and forth on my relationship with other women.  I never want to be the girl who says “Ugh.  I don’t like hanging out with girls because they’re fucking catty, and talk about stupid shit like other people’s problems and who got a bad haircut.”   Because…obviously that can’t be true about all women.  Obviously there are men like that, too.  But can we just be honest here?  There is a lot of truth to that statement.  I know it’s super anti feminist of me or whatever, but it’s somewhat true.  I don’t mind hanging out with girls….but for reasons stated above I do not become close with them.  It’s hard enough getting close to a guy then having your heart broken, or trust broken.  

But anyway, I don’t know what the  point of this has been.  Other than getting it off my chest?  

I’m really excited about Nicole getting here.  She’s been the only exception.  (Why did I just think of Paramore? bleckkk)

Really though.  She doesn’t talk about stupid shit, but she’s not uptight either.  In some strange way, I feel like we share a vision. lol.  We’re going to live somewhere in the city, where we can explore and grow.  Our apartment will have book shelves full of poetry, comics, russian lit, american lit, and good movies.  We’ll learn new things and laugh at our failures.  Piano, rock climbing, knitting…just what the fuck ever.  Why not?  

I haven’t bought much for the apartment because money has been tight.  It’s getting better though, now that Christmas is over.  I can start making my list.  Typewriter, mine and Cash’s bedroom furniture, couch, coat rack, xbox, tv, so on and so forth.  Then, I want a bigger place.  3 bedrooms. Wut Wut. 

^^^I have no clue what I just wrote.  

5 months ago  /  5 notes